NoSSN - What To Do When The IRS Comes Knocking --

What To Do When The IRS Comes Knocking --
November 6, 2000

From: Gordon Phillips <gordon@informamerica.com>
To: jeff@oosterman.com
Date sent: Mon, 06 Nov 2000 02:10:10 -0500
Subject: THE INFORMED AMERICAN - Mon, Nov 06, 2000 - What To Do When The IRS Comes Knocking
Send reply to: gordon@informamerica.com
Organization: INFORM AMERICA!

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What To Do When The IRS Comes Knocking --

The following is a guideline to proper conduct becoming a law abiding
citizen when the government -- in this case, the Internal Robbery Squad --
comes a-knockin'. This is not intended as legal advice, merely an example
of what other well prepared individuals are known to do. Please note: the
following methods are inapplicable to forced entries by gun-toting Special
Agents sporting Kevlar body armor and black ski masks.

No, we're speaking of the emphatic knock by IRS Revenue Agents, the
unexpected visit that good Americans everywhere dread to contemplate.
After mentally arming yourself however, such an experience can prove
invaluable in enhancing your self-confidence and sense of citizenship.

First of all, please remember that you are the master and these uninvited
visitors are your public servants. Remember also -- assuming that you're
still donating annual tax tribute -- that it's your hard-earned tax
"dollars" that allow these federal actors to pay off their mortgage, put
their kids through college and otherwise pursue their chosen career (one
which most Americans rank just below attorneys). Stop and ask yourself:
are their tax payments contributing to YOUR lifestyle?

All good Americans, regardless of whether or not they've volunteered to
commit financial suicide on a Form 1040, need to be prepared for the
eventuality of this federal encroachment on their doorstep. Which means,
class, that it's time for a "weapons" check!

You should at all times have a functioning and fully loaded video recorder
(fully charged battery and fresh tape) at the ready. In the alternative,
an audio cassette recorder or micro cassette recorder loaded with fresh
batteries and a fresh cassette tape will do. The digital type of audio
recorder will do as well, unless of course the batteries should die, in
which case you would lose your recording, which is why we still cling to
our trusty old analog Radio Shack audio cassette recorder.

Be sure to take your recorder with you in your briefcase or purse when out
of the house. You never know when you might need it to record other
capricious acts of tyranny or selective prosecution, including a "random"
traffic stop (read Boston T. Party's "You And The Police", available at
www.javelinpress.com).

You will also need two photocopies of Internal Revenue Code section 7608
on hand (see below). Be sure to always keep them next to the door.

IRS agents usually travel in pairs so, as the old joke goes, "one can lie
and the other one swear to it." When you squint through the peephole and
spot these characters on your doorstep (which, of course, could be
prevented in the first place by clearly posting the gate across your
driveway "No Trespassing"), you must immediately take charge of the
situation.

Before opening the door, especially if you're a single woman living alone,
shout out loudly "I'll be right back, boys. Keep practicing those kidney
jabs." Anything similar will do.

Whip open the door and throw your visitors off guard by acting elated to
see them, clasping your hands together with glee and stating that you
really appreciate the visit. Agents are programmed to view the public as a
zookeeper does the inmates, fully expecting them to become agitated when
their cage is rattled. Citizens whose cordial demeanor falls outside of
expected behavioral norms has caused more than one agent's circuitry to
malfunction.

If you need to go get your recorder, tell them you'll be right back, close
the door swiftly and go get it. Never under any circumstances allow the
government to enter your premises without a search warrant. IRS agents are
trained observers and may make inferences about your lifestyle from your
furnishings, etc.

After enjoying a leisurely cup of coffee and catching up on the latest
cartoonery on CNN, return to the door and immediately obtain their full
attention by whipping out your trusty recorder (already in record mode)
and pointing the glowing red dot (record mode indicator) in their general
direction. Stay outside your front door with the door closed behind you
(but don't lock yourself out!), or at least closed enough so they can't
see inside.

If they haven't yet retreated, continue by explaining:

"You know, in spite of the fact that I find it incredibly rude and boorish
to bother a busy person without an appointment, I know from what I've read
in the papers lately that things have been pretty rough for you folks,
what with 1 in 5 Americans no longer filing returns, so anything I can do
to help boost your collection performance bonuses will be just great.
Actually, I'm so pleased you're here because I've been concerned I wasn't
paying my correct fair share, which as far as I can tell from reading the
tax code, is zero. But I'm sure you can help me confirm that. Now, since I
can't possibly take notes as fast as you can talk, I'm going to record
this conversation in case I need to introduce it into evidence in a
criminal case against either or both of you for fraud and extortion."

You might want to say this with the genuine and slightly deranged smile of
someone who really enjoys suing people! If they're still standing there
(and that is questionable at this point), ask them "Now, who are you and
what do you want?" If they answer by asking who you are or inquiring, "Are
you John Jones?", tell them "I might be John Jones, but that depends on
who's asking." Keep up this light comedic banter until they clearly
identify themselves as being from the IRS. Then ask, "Now could you please
give me your real names, not the aliases the Treasury Employee Union
suggests that you use to protect yourselves from potentially dangerous
members of the pubic?".

If this doesn't cause them to immediately evacuate the crime scene (and it
may not if they're running below their extortion quota for the week),
demand that they prove their identities by producing their government
identification. Explain that a local newspaper reported that two escapees
from a mental institution were recently seen in the neighborhood posing as
IRS agents, and you don't want to take any chances. Besides, the escapees
were wearing cheap suits and they fit the exact description in the
article.

Make sure they hold their badges close enough so you can read the
information clearly out loud for the recorder. Also, state clearly for the
record the date, the time and your present location. Then ask for their
delegation of authority orders. Explain that they have no right to speak
to you without clear authority delegated down from the Secretary of the
Treasury through the Commissioner of Internal Revenue.

At some point along about now, assuming they still haven't fled, they may
ask you a question or two. Never, ever answer a direct question. Always
respond with a question of your own. Bear in mind that agents traveling in
pairs often display the "good guy, bad guy" strategy. One acts aggressive
(too much testosterone), while the other poses as your friend,
"protecting" you from his overly aggressive buddy.

If you observe this happening, always ask the "friendly" one, "Say, are
you guys using that old "good guy, bad guy" bit where one of you acts
aggressive with too much testosterone while the other one acts like my
friend, protecting me from his overly aggressive buddy? I LOVE that bit! I
saw it again last night on an old James Cagney flick. Can you do it some
more so I can get it on tape?"

If they're still standing there (because they really, really need the
performance bonus), here's an example of how some further light comedic
interchange might go:

Agent: "We have no record of receiving a Form 1040 from you for the year
1999."

You: "Gee, was I supposed to file one on exclusively domestic sources of
income?"

Agent: "All are required to file. Voluntary compliance says you must
comply. All must pay."

You: "No kidding? Can you show me where it says that in the Law? Do they
wind you guys up each morning before you leave the office?"

Agent: "We don't have to show you. We're from the IRS."

You: "You don't? Really? Is this Cuba? I thought we were still in the U.S.
Hey, are you guys really from the IRS, or are you part of some new
government cloning experiment?"

Here's another example -

Agent: "According to our records, you owe us $20,422,39 in unpaid 1040 tax
for the year 1999."

You: "Really? No kidding! Wow, that sounds like about as much as you guys
probably make in an entire year. How much do you guys make, anyway? I
didn't know 1040 was a tax, I thought it was a return. Can you show me
where in the Internal Revenue Code Congress defined the 1040 as a tax? Are
you sure you guys are really from the IRS? Hey, didn't I see you on an
episode of 'The Stepford Wives'?"

I'm sure you can think of numerous other examples. Role-play this type of
light comedic banter with your friends and acquaintances until you find
yourself comfortable fielding all sorts of inane, tax-related questions.

At some point during this frivolity, act totally surprised as if you've
suddenly forgotten something (slapping yourself in the forehead is
effective for emphasis) and ask if they've come to visit you pertaining to
subtitle E? They will have no idea on Earth what you're talking about, so
explain to them that subtitle E of the tax code covers alcohol, tobacco
and firearms. Ask them if they're alleging that you're involved in any
activity pertaining to those areas.

If they haven't left yet, whip out a photocopy of code section 7608 and
hand it to them, while reading from your own copy (now you know why you
need two copies). Be sure to speak clearly so you get this all on tape for
the record. It will also make for a hilarious good time when you play this
tape at your next family gathering or church social. Point out to them
that code section 7608 is their "job description" straight from Congress.
It's their sole duly authorized function as revenue agents.

Here's what section 7806 "Authority of internal revenue enforcement
officers" actually says:

"(a) Enforcement of subtitle E and other laws pertaining to liquor,
tobacco, and firearms. Any investigator, agent, or other internal revenue
officer by whatever term designated, whom the Secretary charges with the
duty of enforcing any of the criminal, seizure, or forfeiture provisions
of subtitle E or of any other law of the United States pertaining to the
commodities subject to tax under such subtitle for the enforcement of
which the Secretary is responsible may - (1) carry firearms; (2) execute
and serve search warrants and arrest warrants, and serve subpoenas and
summonses issued under authority of the United States; (3) in respect to
the performance of such duty, make arrests without warrant for any offense
against the United States committed in his presence, or for any felony
cognizable under the laws of the United States if he has reasonable
grounds to believe that the person to be arrested has committed, or is
committing, such felony; and (4) in respect to the performance of such
duty, make seizures of property subject to forfeiture to the United
States.

Ask them to let you know where in the tax code it says anything at all
about their authority to come bother you over income tax under subtitle A
or social security employment tax under subtitle C? When they act
perplexed, ask them to read 7608 again. Remind them, "You know, fellas',
this is your job description written by Congress. Any activity beyond this
would constitute criminal racketeering in your own capacity, outside of
any government immunity." Once the light starts to dawn, now ask, "Now
which one of you wants to be listed first on my letter to the Attorney
General reporting fraud and extortion?"

If they aren't running to their car at this point, ask them to please wait
a minute so you can go get your phone and dial "911" to report a robbery
in progress. Call out after them, "Hey, wait! Come back! You haven't
answered my questions! I need your office number and address for my
criminal complaint!"

If possible, videotape them slinking away to their government sedan and
get the license plate numbers. Now hire a local private investigator to
"run the tags" through the DMV computer and trace the car to the IRS
office that spawned them. Call them on the phone the next day and inform
them that you want to submit the video to "America's Funniest Home Videos"
and would they be willing to sign the consent waiver?

Consider running this tape for free on local cable TV under "Equal Access"
and/or putting up a web site and streaming the audio or video. Use your
imagination and you'll think of dozens of other ways to use this primary
source footage showing IRS fraud in action to awaken your fellow citizens.
Citizenship in action is always good, clean fun.

To summarize the steps you might wish to take:

* Put together a kit accessible for this purpose and keep it in your home
or briefcase (and hope you never have to use it). It is always prudent to
be prepared for anything and have your response laid out in advance. This
puts you in the drivers seat and allows you to maintain control.

* Always have a video recorder or some sort of tape recorder with fresh
batteries handy.

* Have two photocopies of Internal Revenue Code section 7608 on hand. Be
sure to always keep them in your briefcase or next to the door.

* Never under any circumstances allow IRS agents (or government actors at
any level) to enter your premises without a search warrant signed by a
judge.

* Whip out your trusty recorder (already in record mode) and aim it at
them.
If they're still standing there, ask them who they are and what they want.
Answer all questions with questions.

* Get their identification information and delegation of authority orders.

* Ask if they've come to visit pertaining to subtitle E? Hand them code
section 7608 while you read it to them from your own copy. Ask them if
they're alleging that you're involved in any activity pertaining to those
areas. Get it all on tape.

Ask, "Now which one of you wants to be listed first on my criminal
complaint to the Attorney General for fraud and extortion?"

* Tell them to go back to the office and put it in writing. If you are a
member of The Save-A-Patriot Fellowship, this correspondence will be
replied to under power of attorney by your case worker in the Case
Development Department (if an IRS matter) or by a paralegal (if a State
tax agency matter).

* Remember the Boy Scouts' motto "Semper Paratus!"

Yours For Liberty In Our Lifetime,

Gordon Phillips (fully armed at all times ;-)

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